(Just goes to show, you can take the girl out of Orange County, but you can’t take the shopper out of the girl.)

You said something about Dad trying to give away Teddy. I offered Elka. Elle very definitely said she does not want Elka. They met a month ago, and neither one was impressed with the other. Well, Elka is a Deeter Cat, so she does fall into the “special needs” column.

I’m glad to hear that everyone made the move safely. What’s an Eggleston move without drama? And here’s another question: Who got to drive up with the cats?

I have learned  where the line falls between necessary amounts of books and too many books. I believe a book is a must have when I first pick it up, I add it to my collection, I read it four or five times, decide to save it, and then in the midst of packing, realize just how many boxes of books I have and donate the nonessentials to the library or used bookstore. Elle will, too, after a few moves.

Scared outta my mind. Too jittery to be excited. Not too jittery to see the possibilites.

Way too much coffee.

To quote the comic strip: “Aaaak!”

Must stop “aaacking” long enough to offer a thanksgiving. And then give notice.

(“Aaack!”)

I hadn’t chewed my nails in years. Ten, to be exact which was the same length of time I’d been away from Bridgeville. It’ s funny, you know, how easily ten years of growth and maturity can be derailed by perfectly simple words like “hometown” and “family”.

Bridgeville is one of those little towns you either love or hate. If you’re looking for “community” (obituaries on the newspaper’s front page) and “tradition” (your grandpa got by without indoor plumbing, so you can, too), and star athletes holding multiple records in multiple sports (which include the full array of back-seat gymnastics), then Bridgeville is for you. If you yearn for “independence” (a career outside the family business) and “anonymity” (a private sex life), and you sense there is more to life than racking up points on the sports field or in the back seat, then you bide your time til you can get your ass out of town.

The thing about Bridgeville, and small towns in general, is that the population is a bizarre cross of mule and elephant, which God saw fit to stuff into human form.

Seriously. God was probably sitting around Heaven one day, swizziling fermented Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil juice, and watching to see if anything good was happening on Earth, but it’s the same thing, day in and day out, and He’s a little bored. The angels are glorified yes-men, so they probably egged him on. Who knows, maybe the angels were bored, too.

So God is stting there, buzzed and bored, and since cards are illegal in heaven, or maybe just unknown, someone brings Him some clay. He fumbles around a bit, pinching here, twisting there, rolling it all up and starting over again, getting a feel for the clay. But he’s just not feeling the clay today. He’s maybe a little too buzzed to be getting much of a result from raw material. Anyway, He casts the clay aside, and nothing much is happening on Earth, and He shakes His head sadly. “You know what’s wrong down there?”

The angels look at each other. “How could anything possibly be wrong down there. You put in six whole days on this project alone; it’s paradise, you do good work.”

God gets a little irritated with the yes-men, they’re so busy saying yes they’ve missed an important point. He drinks a little more fermented Good-and-Evil juice, and calms down a bit, and then he announces, “Boys, that’s the problem. It’s paradise down there. It’s perfection. It’s boring. Where’s the drama, the action, the entertainment? All these animals, they eat, they sleep. You can only watch so many nature documentaries, you know? And these humans? They’re perfection, too. I poured my heart and soul into them. They’ve got no drive, no minds of their own.  Boring.”

The angels sort of shuffle their feet, and maybe there’s a few nervously twitching wings. But one is braver then the rest, and says, “Well, that can be fixed, can’t it?”

God smiles. The angels shiver.

He says, “Boys, bring me my working models. We’re gonna do us a little transplantation.” (The G&E is really hitting Him now.) “Experiment, liven things up a bit.” And by the time the models are all gathered, the angels have gotten into the G&E, too, because hauling all those models around is thirsty work. And all of Heaven is roaring drunk.

“Wouldn’t it be funny if we paired a shark and an emu?”

“No, no, a rabbit and a horsefly!”

“Ooh, look at this! This elephant!”

God picks up the elephant, admiring his handiwork, and nods. The angels are further encouraged. They toss out other possibilities: a flamingo, a koala, a dormouse. The fermented Good-and-Evil juice is passed around some more. Somebody finally shouts “Look at this mule! Stubborn and thick-headed. Pair that with a long memory, and look out!”

God says, “That’s the ticket, that’s entertainment. Let’s put those two together, and see what we get.” But the elephant is really big, and the mule is really stubborn, and Heaven can’t fit them together. So God pauses to refresh his G&E, and think a bit, and out of the corner of his eye, He catches a flash of movement. It’s the humans, and He chortles with glee.

The humans get invited up to the Heavens and plyed with fermented Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil juice, and it’s heady stuff, you know, they can’t handle much of that, plus, they’re in the presence of God, and they’re nervous, so they sip pretty readily to take the edge off, and hey presto, the humans wake up feeling a bit strange. The man is reeling around, feeling a bit heavy headed, and he comments on the woman’s shadow, which seems a trifle larger than it used to be, and the woman is in tears, he thinks she’s fat, she’s humiliated, she’ll never forget the horrible, traumatic moment, not for the rest of her life. The man thinks that’s ridiculous, there’s nothing traumatic about being fat, and would she stop crying, all that noise is hurting his head, and soon they’re arguing. But some of that fermented Knowledge of Good and Evil is still in their systems; they’re mad at each other, but mad looks really, really good, doesn’t it? Really … attractive.

And nine months later, voila, you have a new breed of human with varying degrees of a long memory and hard, stubborn heads. Clashes are unavoidable, now, and the noice reaches all the way up to the heavens.

God is holding His head, which is already aching, and wishing he could think of a proper curse. Instead He forbits fermented Knowledge-of-Good-&-Evil juice in the Heavens, and tries to forbid Knowledge-of-Good-&-Evil completely down below. The angels have to go along with His edict, but the cat’s out of the bag with the humans, so to speak; the humans have gotten a taste for “Knowledge” (which is really just another word for gossip), “Knowledge” is much easier to accumulate in small groups, so an affinity for small towns is born. And the world will never be perfect or boring again.

It’s just a personal theory, of course. But it explains the population of small towns like Bridgeville.

The Beachcomber, which is ON the beach, was hiring for a night auditor. I went in with my resume and talked to the owner’s wife, and boom, 5 minutes after I’d started, I had the job! I’ll be working the front desk from 11pm to 7am Friday Saturday and Sunday. So I’ll be dragging a little on Monday afternoon, but I’ll have the rest of the week to catch up. And I get a raise from the Surf.

Fifteen years from now, when I open up my beach-front bed and breakfast in Nova Scotia, this will be worth it. (That’s a joke, by the way. I would never move to the east coast.)

We’re having a “heat wave” up here in Fort Bragg – it reached 74 degrees yesterday afternoon. All of the local coast residents are wandering around in shorts and tank tops complaining about the high temperatures. Meanwhile I’m in 3/4 sleeves and an ankle length knit skirt. Inland Mendocino really is having a heat wave. Ukiah is supposed to cool down to 109 today. Two years of working at Schereman cured me of complaining about the heat. If it’s not 89 at 8am and rising , it’s not really hot. What’s awful is that I’m dehyrdated – me, a seasoned camp counselor. I should know better. The “heat” has me drinking more water, but I’m realizing now that I’ve probably been at least slightly dehyrated all winter. I just chalked the chronic symptoms all up to depression.

We are all suffering from the smoke, though. Air quality ranges from moderate to unhealthy depending on where you are in the county, but even all of us coastal residents are struggling with sore throats and red eyes. Only in Mendocino County could 132 wildfires burn 50,000 acres in three weeks, with only two residences and a commercial structure destroyed. Our friendly neighborhood pull-together- spirit made the New York Times earlier this week, which highlighted the free aromatherapy massages offered to volunteer firefighters and the potent scent of marijuana plants skipping on the vineyard breezes. And we’re batting two for two this month, because the Gualala (it’s pronounced “wha-LA-la”, not “way-LA-la” as published) fireworks spat made the LA Times, too.

Between the “heat” and the smoke, and some very nasty ongoing personnel issues, tensions are skyrocketing in the office. I’m feeling pretty disheartened by all the rejections I’ve received in the past few months, so I vacillate between resigned acceptance at staying here for the benefits and near-tearful bursts of anxiety in which I visulalize printing out a letter of resignation. You know how impulsive I am; I’ve been working very hard to control myself lately, but what I really want to do is escape. I remind myself every morning that I am a public servant, and I am here to gently guide the public through the building process, not to get involved in office politics and feuds. But the tension is exhausting.

On a more cheerful note, Elka has matured enough to let me quilt in piece, so I’m sewing again. I brought out the “crazy star” quilt and I’m combining it with more traditional double nine blocks. Still shades of purple and turquoise. Bailey brings me a dead rodent when ever Elka does something particularly obnoxious to him. He’s definitely gotten better at hunting, but he won’t actually eat anything he catches.

The parsonage sounds…um…interesting. A bookshelf-lined study, oh horrors! If Dad gets an office – do you get to claim a sewing room? An airy house in the Southland is good – I can still remember how stuffy and stifling the house in Huntington Beach could get if there was no airflow.

My interview in Redding went pretty well – there’s an opening in the Health Technologies department at the community college for department assistant. I met with the department head, the reigning department secretary (I would be her assistant) and one of the professors. This was the initial interview, so we didn’t get into too much detail – they read the required questions prepared by Human Resources, and I answered. I also stopped by the college housing office to pick up a rental list and did a few drive-bys.

Redding has really grown in the past few years. “Old Town” is still cute, and the view of the Trinitys is still gorgeous. I could live there- I’d be one of the liberals again, instead of one of the moderates- but air conditioning is a definite must! Covered parking would probably be important, too.

I stayed at a motel in Williams Friday night because I didn’t want to drive back over the 20 in the dark, and I think I left my cellphone charging in the bathroom. I will have to call on Monday to see if housekeeping turned it in. Hopefully it was found and they can send it back to me. Otherwise, it’s somewhere in Redding.

I will try to call from a payphone tonight, but I may not be able to talk long. I’ve been cleaning the house and car and laundry in preparation for the trip north, so I’m short on quarters.

~Love, Lily

We are the Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything

We are the Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything!
We just stay home and lie around.
And if you ask us to do anything, we’ll just tell you …
“We don’t do anything!”

Well, I’ve never been Greenland and I’ve never been to Denver,
and I’ve never buried treasure in St. Louis or St. Paul,
and I’ve never been to Moscow and I’ve never been to Tampa,
and I’ve never been to Boston in the fall.

‘Cuz we’re the Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything!
We just stay home and lie around.
And if you ask us to do anything, we’ll just tell you…
“We don’t do anything!”

And I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poop deck,
and I never veer to starboard ‘cuz I never sail at all,
and I’ve never walked the gang plank and I’ve never owned a parrot,
and I’ve never been to Boston in the fall.”

‘Cuz we’re the Pirates Who Don’t Do Anything!
We just stay at home and lie around.
And if you ask us to do anything, we’ll just tell you..
“We don’t do anything!”

Well, I’ve never plucked a rooster and I’m not too good at ping-pong,
and I’ve never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall,
and I’ve never kissed a chipmunk and I’ve never gotten head lice,
and I’ve never been to Boston in the fall!”

And I’ve never licked a spark plug and I’ve never sniffed a stink bug,
and I’ve never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball, and
I’ve never bathed in yogurt and I don’t look good in leggings ..

“And we’ve never been to Boston in the fall”

GIRL SCOUTS
First off, the photos show that they use the right cookie company. Note the Peanut Butter Patties, NOT Tagalongs.

Current Council http://www.girlscoutscrc.org/CMS/homepage.aspx
Transition in October 2008 http://www.girlscoutsosw.org/

Camp Arrowhead Summer Session 2008!

“It is with great excitement that we announce that Camp Arrowhead will be open for the Summer session of 2008! This section will contain everything you need to know about joining us this summer as either a camper or a staff member.

We are also pleased to announce the hiring of our new Camp Director, Leah Kalish!

Leah, aka Sprout, has worked in Girl Scouting for over 10 years at camps throughout the United States. She has also had the opportunity to work for North Atlantic Girl Scouts Overseas in Germany, as well as volunteering at Our Cabana, one of the WAGGGS World Centers in Cuernavaca, Mexico. As a result, Leah is quite familiar with GS program goals, procedures and expectations; she has a diversity of experience that will allow her to think creatively about problems that arise and to offer solutions that others may not have thought of.

Outside of Girl Scouts, Leah works in Environmental Education, currently serving as a Site Supervisor for Outdoor Science School during the academic year. We are very lucky to have her on board and she is excited to join the team at Camp Arrowhead for what is sure to be a great summer season!”

And More Oregon Girl Scout Camps http://www.girlscoutscrc.org/CMS/Files/Camps/Resident%20Camp%202008/SummerCampBrochure2008.pdf

Well, not actually School Secretary, but the equivalent of the Mono County Office of Education position in Mammoth Lakes. An whereas a 1 bedroom condo in Mammoth is for sale in around 180,000, a one bedroom house in Tillamook is $35,000 (foreclosure). WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

I am very excited. And I still haven’t heard back from Mammoth. I just applied to Tillamook today at noon, and they called me at three to schedule an interview!

My police dispatcher exam on Tuesday was a big flop. I was really upset with myself Tuesday afternoon, and I took the afternoon off instead of going back to work. It’s funny – parts of the exam are pretty similar to what I had to take as a Staff Assistant – reading comprehension and memory, following verbal directions without taking notes, scanning and matching names and addresses. But what threw me off were the logic components – these are the established shift priorities, now you apply them to real-time situations. I managed to finish the exam in time – unlike the City exam in January, where I ended up filling in random bubbles in the math and accounting portion – but I left feeling incredibly depressed. I knew that I was bored with my job at Planning and Building, but I hadn’t realized how mentally unchallenging it is. I’m not mentally in shape to deal with logic problems and strategy style procedure!

So I was pretty unhappy Tuesday afternoon and most of Wednesday, but I’ve had time to gain a little prospective. I’m going to an interview at the community college in Redding tomorrow. Maybe I’ll impress in the interview, maybe I won’t stand out from the other applicants, but what’s really important is that I’m practicing my job hunting/exam taking/interview skills. I haven’t heard from MCOE yet, but hopefully by the time I interview I’ll be in tip-top interviewing shape.

Meanwhile, I’m casting my bread onto the waters. And I have to take the pressure off myself by looking at all of this as a challenge and a process, rather than a sprint to an end result. I took the initial Staff Assistant exam with a “que sera” attitude – whatever will be, will be.

So. To quote Jennifer Crusie: “Leap of faith, taken. Plan, still in the works.”

Love, Lily

ps (Thanks for the check and the UMFCU card. Is the pin number the same to access an atm and the online account?)